Sabrina's voice
Oh, I finally found my voice; I finally got a voice, which is huge for me!
There was one time I was at the bus stop with students from the class and we were all going home. As we were waiting for the bus, they were verbally bashing another person, a girl who was also a class member. I cannot remember the specifics but something was going on in class and when we left class and went to the bus stop everyone started freaking out on her. She was not there so it was more like they were gossipping about her and it made me feel very uncomfortable.
Normally I would not have even thought about it, or I would have let it go, saying; “oh well it doesn't matter, don't say anything Sabrina - don't cause any problems, keep your mouth shut.”
It just bothered me so much! I just remember feeling ‘why are they acting like this ?’ I am here to get better. I got scared because then I was worried about what are they doing behind my back, and what are they doing to the stories that I am sharing in class , is it going to be brought out behind my back.
I remember I had to talk about. I felt horrible, I felt hurt, I felt sad. They were all nice to this other person, and then as soon as she was not there she became the topic of attack and they totally ripped her apart; it just made me feel very sad, and very awful for the other person, and questioning why?
I guess why it bothered me so much, actually when I think about it, is because I was so afraid to talk to anyone about anything. When I heard someone being bashed, I was ready to clam up, go inside myself, be quiet, I got freaked out , and I thought this is going to be really difficult, the minute I am not around they will do the same thing to me!
We discussed it and you asked me to bring it up in front of the class, because we were talking about the classroom guidelines and this would fit in to the topic perfectly.
Class check in was just a place to talk about it, to talk about my own worries, to share my own feelings and opinions, to have my voice heard, instead of suppressing it in my head, and throat, and gut. I glanced around the room and got support for myself, practiced being in the moment because my mind goes a million miles an hour and began to share my story.
After I finished sharing, I got their affirmation, not feedback exactly, but just to watch the expressions on their faces, and their statements of "oh really "and then their comments, about “how great I was or my comments were”, and they were talking to me and I had to look at myself and say “OK “, that I did have something important to say and that I was listened to! That I was heard! That I wasn't talking to the wall or talking to someone with deaf ears.
Wow, I remember thinking I can't believe this, everything was just coming out of me, so naturally, without any fear. I cannot even describe the feeling; it was such a beautiful, freeing feeling. I knew I would never be silent again. I had found my voice, or my voice had found me.
No comments:
Post a Comment